• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
• Dogs miss you when you're gone.
• You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
• Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
• Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
• Dogs don't criticize your friends.
• Dogs admit when they're jealous.
• Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
• Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw)
• Dogs are very happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know that the most important thing is that you're together.
• Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
• You can train a dog.
• Dogs are easy to buy for.
• Dogs are good with kids.
• Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
• You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
• Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
• The worst social disease you can get from a dog is fleas. (OK. The "really" worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
• Dogs understand what "NO" means.
• Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
• Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
• Dogs do not read at the table.
• Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
• You can house train a dog.
• You can force a dog to take a bath.
• Dogs don't correct your stories.
• Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
• Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
• Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
• Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
• Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
• Dogs admit it when they're lost.
• Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
• Dogs look at your eyes.
• Dogs like your size.
• Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
• Dogs take care of their own needs.
• Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
• Dogs are nice to relatives.
• Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

• Both take up too much space in bed.
• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
• Both like to chew food.
• Both mark their territory.
• Both are bad at asking you questions.
• Neither tells you what's bothering them.
• Both tend to smell riper with age.
• The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
• Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
• Neither does any dishes.
• Both fart shamelessly.
• Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
• Both are suspicious of the postman.
• Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.

Neither understands what you see in cats. (nasty little beasts)